Every couple normally runs into a few bumps in the road. Even though they already discussed some issues – money, responsibility, kids, and sex before they have decided to get married, couples will naturally experience relationship issues along the way.
In spite of this, there are still lots of successful couples who have learned how to keep their love overflowing and maneuver complex marital issues. Since they know that their marriage has a room to improve, they seek counseling and spiritual advice from other sources and other successful couples, as well.
Marriage is the first institution that God created to humankind. Thus, he does not want anger, conflict, and bitterness to reside in every couple’s heart. Therefore, He reveals His word in the bible about great counsels and guidance to help couples resolve conflict in marriage. The bible teaches as how to develop the “genuine” love to our partner, how we discuss each one’s concerns, how we provides each other’s needs, resolve differences, and make decisions.
Have Strengthen Your Faith To God
13I can do all things through Christ which strengthened me.
Every couple should have faith that with God’s power they can resolve their marital problems if they work things out together. God created marriage for the good of mankind, so He does not want married couples to put their relationship in turmoil.
Another inspiring word from 1 John 5:4 says:
4 for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith.
It means that if we have a strong faith with God, we can surmount all problems in life including marital conflicts.
Pray for God’s Strength and Wisdom
Philippians 4:6, 7 says:
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Prayer is still the best weapon against downfall and problems. If we have faith in God’s power, we will be able to resolve whatever problems we have in life. When our marriage is at stake, we have to believe in God that He will answer our prayers. Therefore, that Christ must be at the center of any relationship and both husband and wife must pray together for God’s help.
Respect the Authority of the Bible: Follow and Obey what it says instead of our human wisdom
Proverbs 3:5, 6 says:
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Bible is the best source to seek for guidance in handling problems. Scriptures provide us good works, so when it comes to marital conflicts bible can give ideas how to resolve it, knowledge for our decision-making, and understanding the issue.
Decision-making is necessary to resolve the conflict, so husbands needs the wisdom to make decisions according to God’s teachings. While wives needs to courage and humility to respect those decisions.
Express Love in all your actions
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
The exchange of vows is made and blessed by God during the wedding ceremony. Thus, God wants married couples to keep their promise to love one another, and to care each other in sickness and health.
The aforementioned bible verse explains to us the selfless love of God that He gave His life to save us. Jesus love for the church demonstrates the love that the husband should have for his wife. His authority should not use only to gratify his wife, but to do what is best for her family.
Love must be expressed at all time and should be expressed by what we do. Couples should not only say the words “I love you”, but it must be shown through actions. The fundamental principle in every home is to show love not only in words, but in truth and deeds.
~Acceptance and Self-Sacrifice
Willingness to accept mistakes and forgiveness is essential to solve family disagreements. What normally happens is that, each spouse refuses to change because of some habit that we do not like in our partner, and sometimes we do not want to take the first step to give up our unhealthy habits or characteristics.
Christ selfless love teaches us to give up our own desires for the welfare of others. A spouse should change for the betterment of the relationship. He or she must be willing to find ways to help improve their relationship, even if he/she is convinced that he/she is not the cause of a problem.
Always Appreciate And Praise The Good Things Your Partner Does
Most of the time, we often fail to express appreciation for the admirable qualities our partner has especially when our relationship runs into little bumps in the road. What we recall are those past failures or mistakes that our spouse did.
~Husband should appreciate his wife
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
A wife deserves to be praised by her husband. The responsibility of every wife is not that easy – prepares meals, takes care of their children while her husband is at work, cleans house, and the like. Whether her husband express appreciation or not, a wife can still find a sense of fulfillment if she sees her children grow healthy, smart, and a faithful Christian. As what the Holy Bible tells us, husbands must praise and appreciates their wives good deeds.
~Wife should appreciate and respect her husband
33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
Husband is the head of the family. He does everything to provide the needs of his family. So wife must appreciate and respect her husband he fulfills his role as a good father and a devoted Christian. If security in knowing that he is loved by her husband is what a wife needs, then personal worth that he is respected and appreciated is what a husband deserves to have.
It is always necessary to express appreciation to your partner to keep the love overflowing in your relationship. You can write down the admirable qualities that your partner possesses and do not forget to express love and appreciation to her/him. These things are helpful at times when your family has little disagreement or problems. In this way, conflicts can be avoided if not, it can be fixed easily.
Be willing to discuss the problem
Willingness to discuss the issues as well as listening with each other’s views is helpful to resolve the conflict. When a spouse gets angry, sometimes he/she refuses to talk the issue and most men think that they have the right to make their decisions without discussion. We should bear in mind that clamming up is not an option to resolve any conflicts at home.
Here are some of the encouraging bible verses that emphasize the importance of resolving family issues:
28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—
Listening and Doing
19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”
Both husband and wife who has been hurt and accused of doing wrong must discuss the issue. Proper timing of discussion is also necessary because talking over conflicts in front of your kids is not good.
~Discussing conflict for reconciliation
Your goal is not only to resolve the issue but to be reconciled, as well. What usually happens, they just love to talk over things for the purpose of getting our way, to prove that it is the other person’s fault. This approach will not help resolve the problem but may possibly hurt the other person. As a matter of fact, there are so many instances that discussions end up to quarrels because both parties attack one another as they try to prove that they have not done anything wrong.
Therefore, when bringing up a problem, make your goal to listen and stay focus on the main issue. Do not intensify the problem by attacking the character of the other person.
~How to begin your discussion
Do not begin your discussion by attacking your spouse. Start asking questions like..Could you please explain to me why did you do that thing? Let your spouse express his/her views. Learn to take your turn by letting your spouse explaining her side before and let him/her finish first before venting your side.
Aim for Resolution and Reconciliation
>When both of you have vented your views and emotions, take your action plan to resolve the main issue and be reconciled. Make sure that your discussion will not distress your relationship but would strengthen your relationship instead.
1 Peter 3:11 says:
Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it.
Always seek for peace and resolution. If at the end of your discussion you have found out that your spouse made a mistake, l your partner to become better and ensure not to bring back the past mistakes anymore.
If you have been wrong and agree to do right, repent and commit yourself to change. Repentance and acceptance are two fundamental things to resolve marriage conflicts.
~Confessing your sin
Luke 17:3-4 says:
3 So watch yourselves.
“If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. 4 Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”
If we have hurt somebody or if we have sinned, we should say, “I repent”. There are times that even we realize that we are guilty of committing mistakes, we do not admit it. The aforementioned bible verse tells us that have to admit our faults and repent. Even we think that we are not guilty of doing that sin; we must still forgive those who wounded us.
16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
The bible tells us to confess our sins, no matter how big or small that is. When you confess your sins, you have to be certain – don’t blame others, don’t make any excuses, and don’t cover some other mistakes which you think can hurt your spouse the most. Don’t try to save face. Apologize humbly and repent sincerely.
~ Always make a plan to correct each other’s fault
Always carry out a plan to discuss and resolve marital issues. As a matter of fact, some spouses confess the same old mistakes over and over again, but never take efforts to change their conduct. We should always remember that no matter how we confess our sins and promise to repent, if we never change our conduct, marital issues will not be resolved.
Seek Spiritual Advice
If you think you have already exhausted your effort, but the problem is still unresolved, it is time to seek help from a Spiritual Counselor or anyone whom you trust. Bible tells us also to ask help from other Christians.
2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
The Holy Bible provides God’s works, hope, guidance, and counsels including how to solve marital issues, and any problems in our homes. Therefore, we will not be afraid that all our problems will not be resolved.